Motherhood is Humbling
Mothering is a humbling experience. When he was nine months old, my little one came down with a viral infection. Despite being aware that something was wrong, it took my husband and me a while to figure out that he had hand, foot, and mouth disease. Until that revelation, it was emotionally draining watching our little one suffer. Not to mention disruptive, since he spent most of that night screaming and crying instead of sleeping.
We’d been lucky that this was his first bout with a somewhat serious illness. Which happened to coincide with his bottom teeth coming in. Until I witnessed my baby in extreme physical discomfort, I didn’t realize just how much I am willing to do anything to make that pain go away. In my life, I’ve always skewed toward letting nature run its course. I typically turn to natural remedies rather than rely on traditional pain relievers.
It remains my defining healthcare philosophy.
But since becoming a mom I’ve learned that I will one hundred percent reach for the pain relievers to ease my little one’s discomfort. After our three-and-a-half-hour ER visit, we finally received the HFMD diagnosis. I was actually disappointed that it didn’t come with medication to ease the pain and quicken the healing process.
One thing that I’m continuously observing through mothering is how my attitudes sometimes shift. Many of the ideas, assumptions, and, yes, even judgments—let’s face it, before becoming parents many of us make judgments about other people’s parenting styles and choices—that I held before birthing my son are dissolving. I’m constantly being tested and pushed toward edges that force me to look at my own biases. I have to reevaluate the type of mother I thought I wanted to be as I organically unfold into the type of mother I actually am.
I am perpetually humbled as I move through each initiation, transition, and chapter of motherhood.
It’s not something I ever really gave much thought to even when I was pregnant, or connected to when my parent friends shared about it. I understood in an abstract way, but not in the visceral way of having to navigate the choices I needed to make as a parent every day in real-time. It’s not so much that I’m making vastly different choices than I thought I would make. It’s more than the contours of those decisions are more malleable than I thought they would be in my fantasy version of motherhood. It’s like placing transparency paper over the original map of my life and the lines and landmarks don’t quite match.
I know I can never live up to the imagined ideal of what society and culture deem motherhood should look like.
This is fine since it’s an idea that has never appealed to me anyway. I was clear on that before I became pregnant or even thought about wanting to become a mother. But as I navigate this new terrain, I’m bumping up against my own ideals of mothering. I grapple with how to find a balance between striving to create the type of nurturing, inspiring, supportive environment that I imagined for my children and maintaining space for the evolving ways I’m learning about myself and the choices I make as a mother.
It’s humbling to think you know the type of mother you will be and then learn unexpected things about yourself.
Becoming a parent and developing a relationship with a tiny human is full of growth potential from the beginning. It takes constant courage to wake up every day exhausted and uncertain yet continue to cultivate this relationship with curiosity and humility.
Mothering also asks us to sit with humility as we so often must acknowledge that we feel as if we’re tripping and stumbling our way along. Especially in the early months and years, when the pressures of trying to Get It Right are most intense. Good questions to ask ourselves are, “What does ‘getting it right’ look like?” and “Whose version of ‘getting it right’ are we striving for?” What are the systemic forces that narrow our vision, provoke anxiety, and place unwarranted pressure on the ways that we show up in our motherhood journey?
At the end of the day, it’s not about being a “perfect” mother but being a good enough mother.
This depends on being able to show up for and parent and nurture ourselves as much as we do our child. And in the process model self-love and break cycles of martyrdom.
It requires great humility to look at the shadow side of how the perceptions shaped by society, culture, and our familial and ancestral experiences impact our thoughts and beliefs around our roles as moms. I keep coming back to the word courage—because it goes hand-in-hand with humility. It takes courage and humility to really look hard at how we’ve been shaped and impacted by all the forces outside of us. This is the way forward in rewriting our motherhood experience and creating an embodied practice of mothering.
BEGIN WORKING WITH AN ONLINE THERAPIST IN CALIFORNIA TODAY
Experiencing motherhood is a profoundly humbling and transformative journey. It brings about immense changes in your life and sense of self. Seeking support and guidance during this pivotal period can be instrumental in navigating the challenges and embracing the joys of motherhood. At Whole Mother Therapy, we understand the significance of extra support, especially during the postpartum phase. By doing regular maintenance on your emotional well-being, you lay a strong foundation for the years ahead. Supporting your mental health enhances the safe, healthy, and loving environment you’re creating not only for your baby, but also for yourself.
Our team of experienced therapists specializes in supporting women during the postpartum period. We want to be part of your village, offering a compassionate space where you can share your experiences and find solace. To get started with online therapy and/or online postpartum support groups, simply follow the steps below.
Learn more about us and therapy for new parents in Pasadena, CA.
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OTHER SERVICES WHOLE MOTHER THERAPY OFFERS
Our Pasadena-based online therapy practice offers a variety of mental health services to support individuals, single parents, couples, and families. Our services include individual therapy for new parents, postpartum anxiety treatment, therapy for birth trauma, therapy for infant and pregnancy loss, therapy for infertility, postpartum depression support, marriage counseling and couples therapy for new parents, counseling for parental burnout and overwhelm, and online therapy in California for new and expecting parents.
We also offer an eight-week in-person Sacred Motherhood Circle to honor the transitions and transformations of motherhood. And we hold several support groups, including an online pregnancy support group and an online postpartum support group. Finally, you can read more about our services, values, and resources on our therapy blog.
As an inclusive practice with BIPOC and queer practitioners, we want you to know that this is a safe and affirming space. Our practice is LGBTQIA+-allied and welcomes diversity of race, religion, sexual orientation, and gender identity. When you’re ready for support, we hold a healthy, inviting space for you to heal, grow, and develop with us.